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20130331
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of mind changing was one brave senator's announcement last week. >> gay marriage has picked up a prominent new supporter, senator rob portman of ohio. the only republican in the u.s. senate to take that position. >> jon: bravo rob portman. i assume senator portman thought long and hard about this and realized it's purely on the principle of the issue he needs to stand up for fairness and equal quit. >> he changed his change of heart. he said it began two years ago ago when his college aged son told his family that he is gay. >> jon: that would do it, too. i never realized a human being could actually be gay until my wife and i accidentally made one. not all his republicans are so easily swayed. >> senator sax by chambliss is reaffirming his opposition to gay marriage he said "i'm not gay. i'm not going to marry one." >> jon: i didn't realize you could soanl support it if you were going to marry who you are like. i wish him luck finding a (bleep) to marry. >> another big voice endorsed gay marriage. former secretary of state hillary clinton. >> jon: hillary clinton. didn't she do that 20 ye
, that person knows something about that. this guy is going to have to prove to us his changes his information hides ways dusm know about that? >> when i went through the process of becoming press secretary one of first things they told me is that you are not even to acknowledge the drone program. you are not even to discuss it exists. >> jon: the second thing they told me how the department of interior invented aids. turns out it's the new formula of new coke instead of high fructose corn syrup. you copped to lying all that is left now is to distance yourself to the lying. >> our dismissal of program undermines people's confidence overall in the decisions the government makes. >> stephen: -- >> jon: i told them all the timer undermining -- and they would say gibbs try this monkey pop. did you it bother you, mr. gibbs. >> here is what is crazy about that proposition. you are asked a question based on reporting of a program that exists. right, so, you are the official government spokesperson. >> exactly. >> acting as if the entire program pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. >> jon:
best to use that >> jon: if we could change the term shooting spree to [bleep]. nobody wants to be known as the guy who [bleep] his pants. but the point is finally since the terribly vent in newtown a bipartisan agreement we were going to have to take substantial action to reduce gun violence. over 3,000 more american victims of gun violence. let's check in. what did we get done? >> the only votes that have been taken since newtown have weakened gun control in america. >> jon: okay. the vote the senate took last week to prevent the justice department, for example, from taking a look at gun shop owners' inventory to make sure there hasn't been theft >> jon: that makes since. newtown is one of the only gun measures prevents the justice department from tracking stolen guns. we've localed guns into a false sense of security. we have guns just for weapons. still this inaction hasn't deterred some gun control advocates. we spent time with one especially determined group >> contrary to popular belief not not all gun owners are against gun regulation. some have acknowledged they're a
question. how big a scale of change do we want-- - oh, long johnson. - i started working with governor reagan-- - oh, long johnson. - it just expanded, in fact, over half the people-- - oh, long johnson. - my dad and mom worked for the veteran's administration. i grew up on va grants. - oh, long johnson. - lived in an apartment on those va grants. - oh, long johnson. - i have five sons, five daughters-in-law... - oh, long johnson. - 16 grandkids, and they're the joy of my life. - you were wrong, and you didn't. - oh, long johnson. - it's not gonna be the most attractive thing-- - oh, long johnson. - you know, it took me 10 or 12 years to figure out-- - oh, long johnson. [applause] - foxtrot standing by at position alpha. - copy, foxtrot. let's fly in the goods, tango. - [muffled] - standing by in three seconds. two, one. go, cartman. - let's do this. [dramatic music] ♪ [applause] - cartman? go, cartman. - come on, dude. hurry. - no. no! i won't do it. i won't do it, do you hear me? i'm better than this. and to hell with you, mister kitty! you're a bad kitty! bad! bad kitty! it's time
the senators get the information on what happened in benghazi including who changed the talking points susan rice used on the sunday morning shows so we can be sure no americans are harmed again by the talking points. >> whatever was said based on information provided by the intelligence community on a series of sunday shows bears no relevance on the ultimate questions of what happened in benghazi. there's an obvious political obsession over a series of talk points that again bears no relevance on the essential issues here. >> just a lot of pauses. very quickly. they are not important. they are not relevant. they are not germane. you can't have them anyway but lately there's an interesting twist. some democrats apparently deciding -- democrats deciding that what is -- what is the phrase i'm looking for? >> what is sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander. >> jon: no, no, that's not it. i'm thinking of the other poultry based expression. >> keep (bleep) that chicken. >> jon: keep (bleep) that chicken. that's the one. [laughter] democrats saw republicans (bleep) that chicken. [ laughter
changing how they conduct elections. >> jon: like if you want a loan but have a history of bad credit you may need extra documentation or get a cosigner or if you want to move near a school and you are a sex offender, you have to thrawn by someone. [laughter] shelby county, alabama s leading the charge to strike what they consider to be an unfair provision of the voting rights act. they are hoping to become the jackie robinson's of people who historically disenfranchised people like jackie robinson. >> today shelby county alabama challenged the law at the supreme court. >> the america that elected barack obama is not the america of our parents and grandparents. >> jon: it's a completely different america. we have cell phones now and things cost more than a nickle. coca-cola no longer has cocaine in it although -- you have to buy it separately. and in some communities you have to be careful you are not allowed to have 16 ounces of other. [ laughter ] shelby -- people, you know what you are? soda addicts. [ laughter ] shelby county al alabama is that since america elected a black man ipso f
of television and newspapers to change the political agenda, throw an election, that sort of thing. that's not why you are in the business, is it? >> if you can stimulate the conversation you can change the agenda. >> he claimed to have won an election single handed. >> jon: thanks for coming by. we have to decline your waiver. the law against media consolidation was clearly with people like you in mind. well, actually you in particular. because of how you like to do the exact thing the law -- what is that there, 1993? >> rupert murdoch news corp owns fox and "the new york post" a local newspaper. me to get a waiver to buy "the new york post". it&d!",x0kdy"óq/?l?lkt-xpt.0c:d! [cheers and applause]t-xpt.0c:d! >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight an author. the new book is called the girls of atomic pity the untold story of women who helped win world war ii. please welcome to the program denise kiernan. [cheers and applause] >> thanks for having me. [cheers and applause] >> jon: thank you for joining us. >> thank you for having me. it's great to be here. >> jon: i love these kinds of bo
. [ laughter ] but the thing about the states reputations is they are hard to change. makes you feel bad for some place like mississippi. every time it opens its mouth because of its reputation you are like please don't say the n word, please don't say the n word. why have they had such a bad remember. we'll look back at a classic episode of "the daily show" with tonight's segment 19th century news. ♪ hello. greetings and salutations. my name is jon stewart and given the times i'm obviously neither jewish nor on television. [laughter] our top story this day in the 1865 is that the state of georgia has voted to ratified -- we had over the shoulders in 1965 in? the -- 1865? the state of georgia has voted to ratify the 13th amendment. delightful. being the 27th state to so vote the amendment is national adopted and slavery is abolished in these united states. oh, bully. of course, there still remain a few stragglers who have yet to rat fight the amendment, -- ratify the amendment i'm looking at magnolia state. how much longer will you wait? 148 years would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? >> a
. not all of it but some. you want to come home? get changed, take a shower? - no. - you want to just sit here a little more and be frozen? - yeah. - you want me to bring you some mcdonalds? - okay. - what do you want from mcdonalds? - chicken nuggets. and fries. sweet and sour sauce. and hi-c orange. [beeping] ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. big show tonight! oh, the actor paul have you had here. let me guess you made another (bleep) movie and it's really (bleep) good. give someone else a chance. anyway -- wait a minute -- where is my pen? [laughter] i specifically remember applying for a federal grant for a pen -- [laughter] -- where is my pen? it's official. >> the sequestration has arrived. >> $85 billion in automatic government spending cuts. >> jon: dammit! [laughter] the first penalty of the sequester, my federal pen program. fake thing. [ laughter ] the sequester is here. the arbitrary budget cuts that were so onus congress would never allow the sequester to take effect. remember? >> it was ugly.
. unfortunately the fascist lawyers wouldn't let me sell the vibrating nipple head that. would have changed lives. finally before we go i'm sick of you asking me to show puke videos much we will be gone until 2012. to shut you up until then i thought i would put one last bad taste in your mouth. (puking sounds) >> oh my god (puking) >> oh my god (puking) >> daniel: good night. maybe i will see you next year. ♪ ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. big show tonight! oh, the actor paul have you had here. let me guess you made another (bleep) movie and it's really (bleep) good. give someone else a chance. anyway -- wait a minute -- where is my pen? [laughter] i specifically remember applying for a federal grant for a pen -- [laughter] -- where is my pen? it's official. >> the sequestration has arrived. >> $85 billion in automatic government spending cuts. >> jon: dammit! [laughter] the first penalty of the sequester, my federal pen program. fake thing. [ laughter ] the sequester is here. the arbitrary budget cuts that w
to put this in place won't see any change to their own $174,000 paychecks. >> jon: what an onerous penalty for. there are worst penalties for (bleep) on top chef than congress. at least there you have to pack your knives and go. with last chance kitchen nowadays you get to work back in. and there's the all star season and parachuting contestants in for no good reason. you brought josi imrerks back? cj is cool at least he can cool. [cheers and applause] you know what? i'm beginning to realize that autoerotic asphyxiation isn't right metaphor for this sequester. because congress did rig it up and if they pulled off the compromise it would have felt amazing for them but as usual they did it wrong and we're blacking out while they are all star jer[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. oh, i was so angry about the sequestration this weekend i needed some cheering up. luckily the sunday news shows provide much needed levity. mitt romney in his first interview since losing last november and dennis rodman in his first experience view visiting north korean leader kim jong u.n. two men
to reassure republicans they don't need to change what they are saying but how they are saying it. remember, when you tell a gay person that their love is too unnatural for society to recognize -- [cheers and applause] -- smile. [cheers and applause] a big issue for 2012 was to connect with minorities. please welcome g.o.p. 2.0 relatable style. >> we're going to overall our campaign mechanic structure to fully integrate the demographic engagement strategy. this new approach will be diverse, year-round, community-based and dedicated to person-to-person engagement. we'll conduct a pilot program and targeted urban markets to tested and re-- to test and refine the engagement efforts. [laughter] >> jon: the local natives seem to be feeling more comfortable with my presence. holy (bleep). let me brake this strategy down, if i may. after pretending -- settle down. settle down it's a pun. let me break this strategy down. after pretending minorities didn't exist the republican party has decided to physically go into the areas and engage person-to-person or as that is known on the streets, talking. [
in the military. certainly our relationship with russia has changed but they are -- we need to make sure that we have a strong military. >> jon: we have a strong military. we're number one by a mile. we spend more on defense than the next 12 countries combined including china including russia. we're like the lady on jerry springer who can't stop getting breast implants. the truth is -- [cheers and applause] -- the truth is china's budget -- china's military budget would be a fine size for our figure but we're not satisfied until it looks like we're trying to shoplift soccer balls. >> jon: you might want to look at literacy math and graduation rates. don't care? you should. because those new expensive weapons systems are pretty complicated. >> a group of retired generals and admirals say that the state of america's youth is a threat to national security. it claims that three out of our americans between the ages of 17 and 24 couldn't join the military if they wanted to because they haven't graduated high school, have criminal records or are physically unfit. they are pushing for early childhood d
, but i'm gonna try to change the way you think about that. ♪ you love cheesy poofs ♪ if we didn't eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame ♪ that was great, tommy. tommy frets from tory pines. he could be our winner. excuse me, but i do believe that sucked ass. oh, and what's your name, little boy? eric cartman. all right. here's eric cartman giving it a shot. [ grunts ] [ clears throat ] [ operatically ] ♪ i love cheesy poofs ♪ you love cheesy poofs ♪ if we didn't eat cheesy poofs ♪ ♪ we'd be lame! ♪ i'm talkin' "night court" in its fifth season lame-ah ♪ wow! all right, frets. suck on that. well, kids, how did you like the planetarium? oh, man, i don't feel so good. me neither. but i loved the planetarium. me too. it was sweet! really? what did you like best about it? i don't know. i don't even remember what happened. wait a minute. where is eric? i did it! i did it! did what? i got a callback for the cheesy poofs song. you snuck off and sang that stupid song? yeah, dude, but i got in the finals for tomorrow! goodbye, children. thanks for visiting. don't forget we have laser ro
Search Results 0 to 48 of about 49 (some duplicates have been removed)

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